HAPPY VALENTINE

Happy Valentine’s Day ashke! This is for you… For no one else’s sake would I attempt writing romance and comedy.

The inspiration for this came from the Gundam Wing fic ‘101 ways to snog en route to a colony’. From what I understand, snog is the British slang for kissing. Basically, each chapter will be about a kiss between two characters, with each pairing having no more than two chapters to itself. The title’s a misnomer actually, any pairing can and will be written whether one or both of them is a HiME or not.

Some will be serious, some will be silly. Some will take place during the series, some will take place after. Some will remain in character, while in others I’ll have to stretch the characters every which way. This is more of a challenge to my creativity, to see if I can get different characters to have some sort of chemistry together.

There are about twenty eight significant speaking characters in Mai HiME and that makes for more than two hundred possible pairings so I think writing fifty isn’t that unrealistic. For my sanity’s sake, I’ll try to keep each chapter from 500-1,000 words.

I’m open to suggestions of pairings (aside from the usual ones) but I can’t really promise anything definite. I’m also not sticking to an update schedule because I want to finish my other projects first.
Snog I: Shizuru and Natsuki

She looks so vulnerable asleep, with all her defenses down. I like watching her when she’s asleep, because then I don’t have to pretend. I can dream my forbidden dreams, I can wonder what it would be like to reveal my feelings for her.

It’s useless to stop thinking about it. I’ve stopped trying long ago. Thinking of her as merely a younger sister doesn’t work. Thinking she should be with someone normal, someone who isn’t as perverted as I am, that doesn’t work. If anything, thinking about her with someone like Takeda only sucks me into a dark spiral of jealousy.

A small sigh escapes from me, to be lost in the gentle wind tugging at my kimono sleeve. I want to hold her, I want to feel her in my arms. I want to spend my life with her, with the wonderful person beneath her aloof exterior.

She pretends to be strong, tries to keep everyone at a distance. But somehow, after much patience, I’ve been allowed through part of her barriers. I can see her relax imperceptibly when she’s with me, trusting me with herself. She probably doesn’t even notice when she does it. I feel honored by her trust. And I feel shamed that I violate it so.

Natsuki, please don’t wake up. Please don’t ever let this end. I could be content watching you like this forever. I would be happy, to simply stay in this house with you and forget the rest of the world. Just you, just to be with you, to watch you sleeping.

Please don’t wake up. I know that when you do, the world will start turning again and both our masks will return. I hide too, you know. Behind a dance of politeness and teasing, of president and friend.

I’d laugh if it wasn’t so painful. Friends falling in love. It’s one of the oldest plots around. Someone up there must have been bored with the same old story though, and introduced the Festival to make things more interesting.

That’s why I know you will wake up, no matter how much I wish otherwise. Because I know we’re doomed to play out our parts, until there’s only one HiME left standing. It’s too late now to change our course, too late to make any difference. Perhaps someday, if we survive the Festival, I might dare to do something more. But for now, I’ll let the world continue on its path, I’ll let myself be whoever you need me to be.

That brings a tiny smile to my face. You’ll always be my Natsuki and I’ll always be yours, even if you don’t know it. You’re so blind sometimes, Natsuki. My eyes soften as I kneel beside you, pushing the food tray I brought aside. You’re so blind to other people’s emotions, so intent on your own mission. And all I can do is watch, watch and wait in the shadows.

The darkness is where forsaken people like me belong. Demons with their unnatural desires. I just want to make her smile, why is that so wrong? Why can’t I stop, stop defiling her with my unclean thoughts? Why is this love so wrong…?

My soul will be damned, I can already feel the flames licking at my feet. Damned because of love, but embracing the darkness with whole hearted glee to protect that love.

That love... My hand reaches up, I imagine I can caress her sleeping face, I imagine she’ll wake up and be happy to see me. A demon deserves nothing, should expect nothing. But once, just once, I want to know what it’s like.

I want to know what it’s like to have her accept me as I am, I want to know what it’s like to greet each morning with her beside me. Just for one second, I want to pretend my sleeping beauty will return my affections in the way I wish her to. Just for one second, please let me know what heaven is like. Then I’ll be content with my lot, content with watching her from afar. A demon would happily roast an eternity for a glimpse of heaven.

I edge closer until I’m almost, but not quite, touching her. She doesn’t even stir at my motion. Now I can hear my heart beating loudly in my ears, trying to burst out of my body and jump towards the young woman who’s captured it so completely. I can feel the warmth of her face, inches below mine.

The world will keep turning, no matter how much I delude myself that I can make it stop. The princess will wake up from her enchanted sleep, but not through the kiss of a prince. Battles will be fought, won, and lost. But for once, just once…

I can feel my cheeks burning, I can feel myself teetering at the edge of fear. Then I close my eyes… and break the spell.

The briefest brush of my lips against hers. Soft, so soft.

Natsuki…